My name is Senthil, and I am a member of Sexaholics Anonymous. My sobriety date is May 29, 2024.

From a very young age, I was affected by a condition I did not understand. What I believed were habits, curiosity, or moral weakness were actually symptoms of a progressive addictive illness. The sickness showed up in my life through obsessive sexual thoughts and fantasies, using sexual stories and imagination to escape reality, and compulsive masturbation despite guilt and shame. I engaged in secretive behaviors, including watching others without being seen, and lived a double life with one public persona and another hidden side. I found myself in unhealthy and compulsive relationships, drawn to people, places, and situations that conflicted with my values. I experienced same-sex sexual behaviour driven by compulsion rather than choice, sought stimulation in risky or confusing sexual environments, and repeatedly promised myself "never again" only to act out again. This led to increasing shame, fear, isolation, and emotional numbness, along with a complete inability to stop on my own.

This sickness destroyed my focus in education and work, made me irresponsible in family and relationships, kept me dishonest and emotionally unavailable, created deep loneliness and inner emptiness, led me toward other addictions as an escape, and left me powerless over my behavior. I did not act this way because I was bad or immoral. I acted this way because I was sick.

Through Sexaholics Anonymous and the Twelve Steps, I learned this is a disease of mind, body, and spirit. I accepted that willpower and fear were not enough, found identification instead of isolation, discovered honesty instead of secrecy, and found hope through spiritual growth and fellowship. Today, by God's grace and the SA program, I live one day at a time in recovery. I have been sober from my addictive sexual behaviors since May 29, 2024.

If you see yourself anywhere in this story, you are not alone. You are not weak, and you are not beyond help. This is a disease, and recovery is possible. If it can work for me, it can work for you.