My story begins in childhood when I was around eleven or twelve years old. My first encounter with masturbation was in class six, which I learned about from friends in my village and at school. Around the same time, I discovered pornography on my elder cousin's mobile phone and would try to look at it when he was not around. I remember carpenters working at our house for construction, and I used to borrow their phones to watch porn, which they allowed me to do.

From class four, my mother remained chronically sick, and against my wishes, I was forced to contribute to household chores like washing clothes, washing utensils, and getting food prepared. I did not like this as other children could simply play, and these were my few complaints to God in early childhood. Why don't I get to play like other children, and why don't I get things prepared by my mother completely? Masturbation became my answer to these problems. Initially, it was curious pleasure, something I would do in hiding to get a significant high.

A friend mentioned a website with explicit images of actresses, which I would download and store to fantasize about later. I spent hours on the computer downloading content back when 3G was not available. During class seven or eight, I created a Facebook ID and from the beginning, I was interested in getting in contact with women. I used to open the friend lists of my friends and send requests to all the women present, and as I got to know more women, I sent friend requests to many more. I was drawn to chatting with women, and while initially these were friendship chats, my final objective was to get into sexting with them. I remember sexting with a girl through Facebook while I was in class eight.

In class eight and nine, I felt I needed to stop because we were preparing for a district football match and I felt I was losing my stamina, as was the notion those days that masturbation causes stamina loss, but I could not stop. I had a fungal infection in my private parts in class eleven, which was the first time I stopped for two months in my life as I was preparing for an important exam. Masturbation became more of a stress buster for me. I was in a complicated romantic relationship in class twelve, and when that relationship ended unilaterally from her side, it was devastating. My solution was to watch porn and masturbate to fantasize that someday I would become worthy of her attention and get her back in my life.

In college, I was away from home and could freely access porn. In my third year, we had private single rooms in Hostel with all the privacy to act out. my grades were going downhill. After scoring about 90 percent in school, I had a 6 CGPA in college, hardly passing in subjects. During semester exams from 2 PM to 5 PM, I used to leave the examination hall 15 minutes earlier, rush to my hostel, lock myself up and watch porn, masturbate, and sleep for two hours. Then I would get up, have tea, and study through the night, masturbating multiple times. Before exams and during exams, I would watch porn to cope with stress, and after exams, I would watch porn to celebrate that exams were over.

I wanted to do things in my life. I wanted to score well, get a job, and improve my skills, but I was doing nothing, just fantasizing about them. I used to sit behind a screen for hours watching dance videos, thinking I would learn it someday, but I did nothing. In March 2020, COVID came, and our college gave us a two-week holiday. While coming back home, I realized I could not control pornography and masturbation anymore. I was determined to find a solution, inspired by the movie Hancock where a counselor helps people in prison share their problems. I thought that if only I had people around me with the same problem, maybe it could help me.

On the way back from college, I looked for solutions in forums, self-help groups, and support groups, and found the NoFap forum. I was there for around four months. I stopped masturbation for 50 days, sometimes 20 days, sometimes a week or two weeks, but I could not control it because when I had stopped masturbation, I was watching porn or sexting on websites. I remember spending 16 hours one day on chatting websites, even bathing while chatting with a woman.

Then someone on the NoFap forum gave me the message that there exists a fellowship of people like me having the same problems, who have stayed away from masturbation. I came to SA, and my world was shaken up when I realized here are people who are staying clean from masturbation and pornography for more than a year, more than two years, more than four years, five years, and ten years. Initially, it was difficult, but I continued, I kept coming back, I persisted. Now while sharing this story, I am sober for two and a half years. I am a single person, and by sobriety, I mean in the last two and a half years I have not masturbated, have not watched porn, and I have not had sex with anybody.

Before coming to this fellowship, I would often think that if not masturbation and pornography, what would I do in my life? How would my life look like? It would definitely be hell, but now I realize that life is far more better. I have finally joined a dance class. For the last two months, I am learning dancing, which I always wanted to do in my life. I have become more consistent in gym. I started getting up at 5 AM, whereas I used to get up at 1:30 PM back when I was continuing masturbation and pornography. I am able to do a job, study for an exam that I am aspiring for, and learn dance. I am grateful for the life that I am living today. If you are reading this story, believe me, there is hope. I wish this program works for you as it worked for me, and may your life turn around as mine has turned around.